


From ghoulies and ghosties

by rusalka_dances_the_polka



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mythical Beings & Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-01 10:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16282550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rusalka_dances_the_polka/pseuds/rusalka_dances_the_polka
Summary: There are other creatures than trolls lurking in the woods along the way to New Jersey. Claire and Jim certainly have no reason to be afraid, you'd think. But what if something truly evil caught them in a moment of weakness? They learn the hard way, that hunters can become the hunted...





	1. Hidebehind

She knew this was stupid. At least she felt stupid.

  
And why did Jim have to be so stupid sometimes as well?

  
She loved him, she really did. As young as she was, she knew she had found someone in him who just kind of... clicked with her. She wouldn't neccessarily call him a soulmate - that label felt a little too big for her, but he was a true friend and well... in sync with her. They just worked really well together. She wouldn't want change anything about him at all.

  
But fudgeknuckle could he be an idiot sometimes...

  
She knew that some things about him had changed because of his transformation. That he'd gotten more 'animalistic'. And sometimes she felt like she coped better with that than he himself. He'd become a hunter quite literally and the inhumanity of the accompanying traits and effects stressed him out. He flittered between a newfound kind of obstinacy on one hand and anxiety on the other, while everyone else could see pretty well that he also was still just as human as before.

  
In fact it was his human characteristics that sometimes got quite annoying when combined with his new, more instinctual behaviour. Like his jealousy. Or his protectiveness, as well as his insecurity. Even his tendencies to overthink.

  
Had she not proven that she would follow him anywhere? That it didn't matter what he looked like? Nooo... He had to get all anxious, just because she had a bad day.

  
Well. First he'd gotten all cantankerous again, when she had trained with Merlin a few hours before. Sat on the side, glowered at the wizard and growled sarcastic remarks whenever he found a reason to do so, while demonstratively sharpening daylight.

  
That sword did _not_ need sharpening. He knew it. He also knew, that Claire and Merlin knew.

  
He just wanted to be a total douchecanoe about it.

  
She was already in a sour mood, but ignored him for as long as she could stand until she finally snapped at him. After that, his behaviour flipped like a light switch. He started acting like a puppydog, taking her mood personal and getting all subservient around her. Giving her the 'I'm a horrible boyfriend, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, please don't be mad'-spiel. It made her crazy...

  
Why did he have to make everything about himself these days? He could be just like her mom that way...

  
Was she not allowed to have moods like a normal person?  
So she was homesick, so what? No big deal...

  
Oh who was she kidding...? She missed her little hermanito so much, that it almost felt like physical pain. And her father's antics. Her friends. School. Learing and theatre... The californian sun...

  
She missed her mom. Gods, she missed her so much...

  
She missed the life she'd left behind, but there was no way she could let Jim know. Because he'd feel guilty, even more stressed than he was already. And he'd probably try to coddle her till she'd throttle him.

  
So she walked into the woods, where he couldn't follow her.

  
Although it was a cold, crisp day somewhere in the midwest, the sun was still high in the sky. She had given him no answer when he asked where she was going.

  
It felt good at first to walk off her anger to cry where no one could see her, but after taking a little nap she did neither feel refreshed nor better about the whole thing. Instead guilt had crawled up on her...

  
She knew her boyfriend had a whole mess to deal with. His whole life had been completely thrown around- not to mention the physical changes... At first it had seemed as if he'd slipped into his new troll behaviours quite naturally, but then he'd started to resist against some of them. Because they made him feel too... off, alien, like he didn't belong anywhere in this world.

  
It was difficult to see him like this and trying to help him felt taxing.

  
Especially because she had her own issues to deal with...

  
For some time now she had felt like she couldn't let herself miss her home because of Jim's struggles. Wouldn't dare to complain, because what were her problems compared to his? She only now started to realize that was impossible. He was not the only one who had to leave everything he knew and everyone he loved. She had to accept, that she could not be his safe space while she had to deal with the same kind of loss.

  
And she had not only left her home to follow some boy after all...

  
When she had first held the shadow staff she'd immediately been able to feel it's power. From then on it had been to late for her. She could not turn back to the way things were before. That power she had felt was not just in that staff... It had reacted to the same kind of power within herself. And now that power wanted out...

  
But after dealing with Morgana, after the battle was won and she had gotten an idea of the potential that slumbered within her, she felt afraid. Afraid of herself and of what she might be able to do.  
She'd never want to become another Morgana.

 

It had gotten late and after sleeping on the cold floor she felt frozen to her bones, even with the thick jacket she had bought in some small town along the way. She started to make her way back to the tunnels the trolls had spent their day in. They would probably want to continue in another hour or so, so she'd have to go back anyway.

  
She could use the time to think of a good way to explain her behaviour to her boyfriend. Without making him think he was at fault for her homesickness or that he had to do something about it.  
Claire knew he often felt helpless regarding her situation as well.

  
He knew about her magical and visionary abilities and even though he felt responsible for dragging her into his 'mess' he knew he could not change what had happened and that she wouldn't want to.  
She stepped around some brush in her way and her breath formed a cloud in the air around.

  
Claire was a witch and she needed practice. Merlin was the only one around who could help her with that. But Jim was not only afraid for her safety, considering his own history with the wizard. He also had gotten kind of possessive about her without fully accepting that about himself.

  
So, out of sheer childishness he liked to behave like a bum during her lessons. Surprisingly the old man took Jim's passive aggressive behaviour in stride. Claire however, not so much...

  
As she was walking, absentmindedly thinking about the explanations she could give him, she suddenly felt odd... like someone was about to grip her by the back of her neck.

  
No...

  
Someone- or... some _thing_ WAS about to grip her by the back of her neck!

  
She could feel it. Hear it in the back of her head. Not a conscious thought but an impulse. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end.

  
A feeling of pure bloodlust prickled through her, muscles contracting for the jump and she realized with horror that she could feel that things mind mirrored in her own...

  
Claire whipped around and looked around her. Trying to see if something had moved between the trees.

  
The feeling of being watched vanished, but only for a second.

  
It was behind her again.

 

Panic gripped her...

  
Whatever this thing was. It was fast. It was strong and it wanted to attack from behind. To kill, to eat her alive.

  
She turned again trying to locate whatever was hunting her. How far away was she from camp? There was no way Jim or the other trolls would hear her scream from so far away...

  
She would need to run, but running meant turning her back towards this thing and she somehow knew it would grab her as soon as she'd do that.

  
But she had to try... She ran a few steps. Could feel the things breath hitch, readying itself to jump and attack from the right. She turned around and faced a tree behind her. The feeling vanished.  
She ran.

  
Then felt the thing focusing on her from the left, it's maw watering in anticipation. She spun around again. Nothing but trees...

  
She ran again.

  
Her lungs burned, while she felt the things excitement growing.

  
Her back hit a tree.

  
She couldn't continue like this... her head was already starting to spin. Her breathing came in ragged, panicked gasps. She was like a rabbit, trying to run from some invisible predator. Whatever it was, it would get her sooner than later.

  
They both knew it.

  
And in some dark corner of her mind she could feel how much it enjoyed the hunt. How excited it was about the challenge she presented...

  
A tearful gasp escaped her and her mind began racing.

  
Not like this! Not after some childish dispute with her boyfriend. Not without saying goodbye to her family.

  
Her brother would not even remember her face.

  
She thought of Jim finding her remains and cold horror engulfed her.

  
He'd break completely apart...

  
She thought she heard something move and whipped her head to the side, trying to locate the sound. She couldn't.

  
She couldn't go out like this.

  
Not after defeating Morgana. Not like some helpless child. She was after all anything but helpless!

  
She tried to think of anything she could use that Merlin had taught her. But they were still at the basics. Visions and sensing, cause those came naturally to her, as well as healing. She'd need a new instrument to channel her powers again and she wasn't there yet. This was not some goblin... A stick wouldn't help her here...

  
And back at camp in her backpack was her necklace. The violet pendant that Merlin had bound her armour to, the same way Jim's amulet contained his. The one thing that could save her. How could she have been so stupid!? Why did she take it off in the first place!?

  
Suddenly the nasty feeling was there again. Pulling at the base of her skull...  
It was behind the tree that she had pressed her back against.

  
She gasped and pushed away from the tree, spinning around. Then again. And again, as the creature jumped from tree to tree. She was even able to make out a shadow once or twice.

  
It was getting impatient now.

  
It was hungry.

  
And she would not make it out of here...

  
Claire felt sick to her stomach. And dizzy. She spun again, ramming into another tree to take at least one breath but not a moment later it was behind her yet again.

  
She jumped away and spun on her heel when she felt a bolt of pain shooting through her ankle. She screamed out and fell, then turned around as fast as she could. Her sprained ankle sent numbing pain through her whole leg.

  
She knew the thing was about to attack as soon as she lost her balance.

  
This time she was able to at least glance at the creature. It was big. At least as big as a man but still seemed thin. And it was pitch black, so much that she wasn't sure if it had a fur coat or was covered in something else...

  
Yet again she tried to turn as it tried to attack from another angle. She tried to stand, but that was a mistake. Her head was spinning, she was completely panicked and her field of vision went dark around the corners. Her movements grew slower, too slow and then she stepped on her hurt foot...

  
She was down on her knee a moment later and she knew it would take this thing just a moment more to tear out her throat. Why on earth had she left that damn necklace back at camp?

  
Claire pressed her eyes shut and awaited the pain, when she was suddenly pressed down to the ground, a roar ripping through the air.

  
She realized two things at once: One, nothing hurt- exept her ankle and two, she knew that roar. Knew that voice. Even knew that smell.

  
Then she opened her eyes and looked fearfully towards the tree where she knew the monster had hidden behind. Not even half a breath later it was gone again and she looked up at Jim to try and warn him. Claire only got out his name before he shout out in pain.

  
The thing had attacked him from the back. Pushing him down and against her. He growled and rolled on his back as he threw it off, kicking it away from him. Then jumped back to his feet and crouched above her again, trying to shield her.

  
"Jim it's always coming from behind! Don't turn your back on it."

  
"Noted." He growled just before he was pressed down again.

  
It had jumped his back yet again, but this time it tried to grab at her. She screeched as she felt it touch her arm and tried to push its clawed paw away from her. Aside from the razor sharp black nails that ripped through her sleeve just barely along her skin, it felt weirdly soft... like extremely fine fur, but it wasn't. Whatever covered that things skin felt cool and almost like silk in water.

  
Jim grabbed at the thing and wrenched it away from her, grabbing it and trying to wrestle it to the ground. He screamed in pain as a ray of sun hit his leg.

  
As much as he tried, the thing slipped out of his grasp and away from him as if it were made out of water. Screeching almost like some kind of bird, it crawled behind a tree again, moving in an impossibly fast, grotesquely unnatural way that reminded Claire of a spider and some kind of worm at the same time. Like straight out of some horror movie. For a second she thought she was able to make out its eyes. Which where just as black as the rest of it.

  
Then Jim grabbed her, pulled her to her feet and into his arms before he started running.

  
"What in the world is that thing!?" He exclaimed, while he ran through the woods at break neck speed, carrying her bridal style. The sunlight hit him again and again as he ran, but he pushed on regardless. Only his expression betrayed the pain he felt whenever his skin sizzled under the light.

  
"How in the world did you find me?" Claire exclaimed while she tried to regain her breath and clung to his neck.

  
Jim shot her a look "Really? That's your main concern right-" his words were cut off as Claire's world went upside down and she tumbled down a slope. The fall knocking the air out of her lungs and sending pain through her back. Why had she forgotten that necklace!?

  
She covered her head and squeezed her eyes shut too protect herself. Then looked up as she heard growls, roaring and the creatures horrible squeals.

  
Jim tried to use daylight on it. Standing between them, as it obviously still tried to get her. It screeched at him as he tried to swipe it with his sword.

  
Not another moment later he let go of daylight. Even though her boyfriend was unbelievably fast, that thing moved like lightning. It evaded daylight and used a tree to lunge itself at her, scrawling for her even as Jim tackled it to the side. Ripping into its leg as it tried to slither away again.

  
Claire herself sat up and tried to scramble away from it, her foot protesting in pain. The forest floor around her gave way as she moved upwards against the slope she had tumbled down before. Leaves, sticks and earth stuck in her hair and on her face, but she couldn't care less.

  
That thing was manically bend on killing her, completely ignoring the half troll that desperately tried to hold it back.

  
Suddenly it screeched and Claire screamed out as well. Jim had used his thigh blade to pierce the things leg, pinning it to the earth and jumping forward to pin it down by its shoulder. His other blade in hand he looked up at her, eyes wide.

  
"Look away!" He rasped before he lifted the blade.

  
She did not look away when he stabbed it in the back. The thing screeched out, but it still tried to crawl towards her, black needlelike nails scratching at the forest floor just inches from her feet. Claire stared at it stunned and then Jim started to stab at it like he was possessed, roaring while the thing screeched and squealed like a banshee, it's cries ringing in her ears. It twisted and writhed in the half trolls grip, but even though he stabbed at it again and again it would just not stop moving...

  
She finally closed her ears with her hands and squeezed her eyes shut, when Jim rammed the blade into its head and started ripping into it with his bare hands.

  
Claire was used to violence. She could deal with brutality.

  
The first time she had seen Jim summon his armour, he slaughtered a horde of goblins. As a halftroll she had seen Jim fell a dozen gumm gumms in under a minute. But seeing him maul a living thing with his claws and teeth?

  
This was different. He was different. And in that moment she realized what that really meant. Why he struggled the way he did.

  
She knew that Jim had become another person even before his transformation and she knew that as kind and soft as he could be... he also had a darker side. That boy was terrifying if he was pushed. He could be ruthless if he wanted to protect someone. But this was a new level of viciousness that he never would have been able to accomplish before.

  
And it was because of her. He was tearing that thing to shreds because he couldn't otherwise stop it from going after her.

  
After what felt like an eternity the squeals stopped and she dared to open her eyes.

  
Jim was still crouching over the thing, over what was left of it at least. His eyes wide and breathing heavily. He stared into thin air and his mouth and chin were smeared black. Somehow the blue of his eyes appeared all the more piercing because of it.

  
"Jim?" She asked hesitantly and he glanced at her, pupils widening before he took a step away, then tried to wipe at his mouth and hacked, before he spit out on the ground next to what was left of whatever that thing had been.

  
His expression betrayed the disgust he felt, especially once he looked at his blackened hand. He growled low in his throat.

  
"Jim?" She asked again more assertive and this time he really looked at her, growl stopping, only to look away a moment later.

  
"Sorry, I..." he cleared his throat and looked at his hand again "I didn't know what to do, I..." he left the sentence hanging and instead straighetened up to step over the remains of whatever had attacked her and sat down beside her sighing, while she continued to look at the torn apart creature.

  
Suddenly he chuckled awkwardly " Look at that mess." He exhaled and rubbed his hand against his leg looking lost.

  
Claire tore her eyes away from said mess took his hand. Looking up at him she ducked under his arm and hugged him around his chest. She felt his armour melt away between them and held him tighter.

  
Jim cried silently. Never in the last year had she seen him freely, even in his worst moments. Now she heard him sob as the tears smeared against her forehead. He cried because he had almost lost her.

  
"It's okay." She whispered, "I'm okay, Jim."

  
She heard him cough and swallow to regain his voice. "I'm sorry," he said "I just... That thing. It just wouldn't stop..." He returned her hug and pulled her against him as well.

  
"I know. It's okay." She looked up at him and saw the tears, still in his eyes. She reached up and rubbed at his cheeks. "This is okay, Jim. You did what you had to. That doesn't mean..."

  
She heaved a heavy sigh when she saw his eyes darkening.

  
"This doesn't mean you're like this thing. You're still you, even though you're able to... well. You're still you. And I love you. Please don't ever forget that."

  
He looked at her and gave her a smile. With tight lips but still a thankful smile. She could see that he was still shaken.

  
He looked at his hand for a moment before deciding it was clean enough and rubbed the remaining tears from his eyes.

  
"What the heck was that thing?" He said, his voice still raspy as he looked at it again. Just then they noticed movement from it and Jim moved instantely to hold her tighter, turning them away so he could shield her better.

It did not move though... Instead it seemed to dissolve into black ash that slowly rose into the air to disappear. It was strange to look at, as little bits and flakes floated up and dissolved like smoke.

  
It was still dematerialising, when Jim said "Well. That's happening." He crouched in front of her to let her ride on his back, his eyes still on the dissolving body. "Come on, I really want to get out of here."  
She stepped behind him and clung to his neck. Then he grabbed her legs and held on tight when he jumped up high into the trees. He wasn't moving as fast as he'd usually would. Claire guessed it was because of the sunburn he obtained, while trying to get away from that thing...

  
"You didn't answer my question." she said distractedly as he jumped from branch to branch. The sentence leaving her mouth unintentionally. "What question?" he said, as he looked around to avoid places where the sun was still shining through. It was getting late now, but the setting sun still had the power to burn him.

  
She cleared her throat "How did you find me? I was sure you'd never hear me..." The thought still rung in her head. She had been sure she'd die...

  
"I'll answer that if you can give me a clear answer to one of my own questions. Okay?" Jim said and jumped down. He turned his head and glanced at her. She sighed. "Yes, sure. I'll try."

  
He let her drop to the floor and sat down in front of her, as she couldn't stand on her hurt foot. She'd have to heal that as soon as they got back to camp.

  
"Why did you just get up and leave like that? You know I tried to make up for earlier." he asked her, his brows furrowed. Claire looked down. Of course he wouldn't let it go... so much for preparing some kind of explanation.

  
She shrugged before she answered, her eyes still downcast "I just wanted to get some space to vent, Jim. It had nothing to do with you", "Okay? Then why couldn't you tell me that? I thought you left cause you're angry with me and after what just happened..." he said and she sighed.

  
"See. That's just the thing. It's not about you all the time, Jim." She exclaimed and looked up towards the trees right after the words left her mouth. Then she looked back towards his crestfallen expression and rubbed her face. He looked like he wanted to say something but had been struck speechless. "Listen," she interjected "I know, that all of this is so much harder on you, so I can't display my own worries and troubles. Every time I appear just the tiniest bit down you go into saviour mode."

  
"Well of course I want to keep you happy! It's my fault that you're here in the middle of nowhere, almost getting..." he trailed of as his own train of thought took him back to the scene they had just escaped...

  
Great. He was doing it again.

  
She snapped her fingers into his face.

  
"Uh uh, Mister! Stop doing that!" She crossed her arms "See? This is exactly what I'm talking about! You can't expect me to be happy all the time. It was my decision to go with you. Why would you feel like any of that is your fault? I know that you're angry with yourself for accepting Merlins offer. Okay. But you also know exactly that I would have gone with you, whether you had transformed or not. My feelings are not your responsibility, Jim!"

  
He looked at her wide eyed, obviously a little surprised at her outburst. "I know that..." he said contritely, rubbing his arm "I know that I'm not the only reason you came with us. It's just... you gave up so much for this. Your family, your little brother. I mean... you were an honor student before I pulled you into this mess! Without me you would probably already be on your way to become a famous actress! The least I can do is try to keep you safe and happy."

  
Claires shoulders sank...

  
Jeeze he could be such a sap sometimes. An incredibly adorable sap. And she didn't know how he did it, but with his new horns and fangs he looked even more the part of a puppy than before.  
She closed her eyes and and huffed. Why did he have to be so disarmingly cute?

  
"Jim..." she sighed "I think we both have to accept some things. Namely: You can't keep me happy any more than I can keep you from being unhappy. We're both teenagers that had to leave home because some pretty unbelievable stuff happened to them. We have to help leading a bunch of trolls across the whole country for crying out loud! I'm just asking you to let me have my moment of... my moments of weakness now and then." She swallowed. Suddenly her throat felt a little tight and she pulled her arms around herself. "It's not easy for me to admit that, you know."

  
Her boyfriend blinked and looked a little insecure. Unsure how to deal with her discomfort.

  
"Uh... I don't... Claire, it was never my intention to force you to be pretend or anything. I mean, I know it's difficult for you as well! I just want to help. You don't have to hide that from me." He crouched and came nearer, hesitantely reaching out to her.

  
She took his hand into both of hers and brought it to her face, before she sighed. "That's what you say Jim, but don't try to tell me, that you don't trip over yourself every time I get a little moody and act like you're personally responsible" He chuckled a little at that "Yeah I guess so. But in my defense, reading emotions got harder for me. You know that. Even the tiniest negative emotion feels like a full blown catastrophe. I know in my head that it's no big deal but at the same time it _feels_ like you might break up with me and start a vlog about how horrible I am. It's not easy to ignore all those internal voices in these moments."

  
Claire sighed. He had a point. She couldn't hold the effects his transformation had on him against him. But she could hardly stop getting homesick now and then, as well. It was hard enough to hide her discomfort, whenever aunt flow was visiting. Not that it stopped Jim from noticing and trying to be extra considerate about her.

  
"Claire listen, I get what you say. You have a right to be unhappy now and then. And I... I could try to stop taking responsibility for things that are not in mine to take responsibility for." He looked down at her and caressed her cheek.

  
She smiled at him "And I'll try to keep in mind that your mind works a little differently. I'll try to communicate my feelings, instead of only acting on them." He chuckled a little "Heh... same here. Do we need to sign that by contract?" he asked jokingly and she laughed "I'll take your word for it, oh honorable trollhunter."

  
Jim smiled and lightly kissed her forehead, then he looked up to the trees and back towards the direction of the camp "You ready to go back? I really want to talk to Blinky about the creature that attacked you."

  
She held her hand out to him, when he reached out to help her up and said "Yes, I am. But you still owe me an answer to my question: How did you find me?" She looked up at him curiously.

  
Jim scratched his head at the base of one of his horns. "Well. To be honest. I somehow felt, that you were in trouble and just kind of... tracked you down? It almost felt like I was able to feel your fear and somehow knew where to go. So I stopped in the middle of what I was doing and tore off. I guess Blinky must be pretty confused right now. I was talking to him when it kind of overcame me." He let his hand fall and narrowed his eyes "Do you think this is some kind of side effect of your magical training? I never had a gift at foreboding or anything like that. Maybe you're not only able to sense what's happening around you, but also project your own feelings?"

  
Claire looked at him in thought. His answer was surprising...

  
"No", she answered, shaking her head "Sensing doesn't work that way... but who knows? Maybe you're on to something. I'll have to ask Merlin about it."

  
He had crouched down in front of her and she slid her arms over his shoulders.

  
They would figure it out. She was sure of it. They'd just needed to make sure that the daily grind of his duties and her training wouldn't keep them from communicating their needs and worries to one another. The attack had reminded her that she was still a human in a world of monsters and no matter how fierce Jim had become, the world could still be a very dangerous place.

  
She was not untouchable. Regardless of her achievements.  
And arrogance will get you killed.

  
But at the moment she was just happy to put her chin on Jim's shoulder.


	2. Wendigo

He was stuck. Again. If he weren't trying to control his breathing already, he'd fire up his anxiety even more with the crushing feeling of failure.

  
He had thought that he was over it. That these episodes of... panic where a thing of the past, but instead he felt like they were getting worse. Or maybe it just felt that way because they plagued him not as often anymore but anytime they did, he felt helpless to stop what he knew was coming. Maybe they'd fade away someday. He hoped so. Though he had been hoping that since they started.

  
It had been several weeks since the last attack. Almost a year since his transformation.

  
He experienced two types of them. The first times he was still stuck in his armour. He'd start to sweat, his heart would race and the space around him felt constricting. His armour confining him- No, his skin confining him. Immobilizing, like a casket made of stone.

  
He didn't even realize at first, but he involuntarily switched into battle mode during those moments without any reason at all. It was like that first time, after he had eaten his mothers birthday gift... It was all too much. Too many impulses attacking his senses, the feeling of being caught, of doing something wrong, something weird, prodding his emotions into lashing out, feeling like his nerve cords had been cut open and set on fire. There was no remedy for that other than running away, running in circles.

  
Doing something, whatever it was, just doing it.

  
Unless he wanted to hit something. Hitting things worked as well.

  
The second type really started after he had thought he was over the first type, or maybe it was all the same, only a bit more... subtle.

  
Usually it happened after he had a bad day. A bad day meaning that his body decided to throughoutly remind him, that he was not a human anymore. Nor a troll for that matter. Whenever his senses transfered more information into his still human brain than felt managable or when he failed to perform an action that would have been no issue at all, had he still been human. Those moments stressed him, made him feel disoriented and dizzy. Frustrated and angry. And at the same time tired and exhausted. So. freaking. exhausted. Like he had been working a treadmill all day.

  
He wished he could claim to control this anger during those moments, but he was not. And now the worst had happened. He had lashed out against one of the few people who were able to snap him out of it.

  
It had been an insignificant scuffle really. Two of the younger trolls had had an issue with each other.

  
The trolls were getting frustrated and uppity as their way through New Jersey needed to be interrupted several times and now that they had finally made it, finding the heartstone proved to be more difficult than assumed. During the time the trolls had left it behind, a human city had grown above it. Just like Arcadia had grown over the heartstone in California. Establishing a new trollmarket with a buzzing human town on the surface already, was more complicated than the other way round though.

  
Blinky, being the leader of their little group had tried to settle the argument. But while they usually either ignored his attempts or just did what he said, one of them, seemingly more hotheaded than the older trolls, started to gripe at Blinky.

  
This caused Jim to get involved.

  
It had been one of the bad days. A very bad day. And everyone knew it, so everyone tried to tell him to stay out of it. But when the hothead insulted his surrogate father Jim saw red. Unfortunately Claire chose that very moment to step between him and the offending troll, causing him a deja vú of reaching after her as she was falling and being caught by her friends. Only this time her shocked eyes were trained on him before she landed in Blinky's arms...

  
The same moment the apology tumbled from his lips as he went down on one knee in front of them, he armoured up. Without the incantation. Involuntarily.

  
Not a moment later he tore off.

  
Almost a year and he found himself in the same place he had been, after he had been transformed into a half troll.

  
Confused, distressed and utterly lost. He still mourned his former life. He still felt angry.

  
Though he guessed that this was the troll part of his mind. The human boy inside his head, inside his heart was above all, terribly, horribly sad.

  
How could he feel sad for himself when he had hurt someone else? Gosh he was so stupid!

  
A new wave of tears threatened to blur his sight and and he sat up straighter. Trying to take deep, calming breaths.

  
It was kind of ironic really. In the year he had trained as the trollhunter Jim had not only become a hero, a warrior. He had grown up, unnoticed by himself. He had taken life and he had spared it. Made hard decisions, dumb decisions and accepted the consequences for his mistakes. But he had always been in control, even when he accepted that it was too much for him. He always stood by his decisions. Even when he regretted them. And now...? Now he felt as helpless as a child.

  
In his new form he very much felt like one as well. So many unfamiliar impressions, impulses, urges and needs were pulling him into different directions and apart at the seams. And through it all Claire had stayed at his side. Had adapted, accepted and even embraced the weird semi-state he was stuck in. She had been his link to his own humanity, even though she herself had lost so much as well.  
And he had pushed her in anger. Hurt her because of some rockbrained, animalistic troll impulse. This was what he had feared most, even before he was physically turned into a troll. That he'd loose himself. His humanity, his compassion. The characteristics that made him who he was. Who he had been.

  
He shook his head and cowered forward again. A sob tearing from his clenched jaw.

  
He needed to stop. He needed to breathe. He needed to control himself and go back and apologize.

  
He had no idea what time it was. It was dark. Somewhere in the middle of the woods, where only the full moon provided any light.

  
He tried to calm his breathing and didn't react when he heard the first crack. Didn't even look. When he heard the second crack, it was too late.

  
Pain suddenly erupted from his shoulder and arm and he was pulled up into the air. He had only a fraction of a second to turn his head up and backwards in the direction he was pulled to and wished he hadn't done so.

  
Huge, round eyes greeted him. Glowing ominously red in the moonlit dark. But the huge, grotesque jaw, filled with sharp, snow white teeth was what truly shocked him into action.  
That and the abhorrent stench of rotting, decaying flesh.

  
He swerved in the creatures grip, and kicked it in the jaw with his knee, just before it could snap at him. Doing that, he grazed his leg against the razorsharp teeth and the metall of his armour screeched, making him yell. The momentum of his kick though was enough to rip out of the things claws. Jim fell backwards to the ground, the landing knocking the wind out of him but not enough to stop him from kicking out his legs and jumping several feet away before the huge creature could plunge its claws into him again.

  
He crouched and looked at it, while the creature did the same, almost imitating him.

  
Jim had definitely seen a lot of weird and fearsome monsters in the last two years, but this thing took the cake in his personal opinion...

  
It was huge! Far taller than himself or even the biggest trolls. But surely not as corpulent. It reminded him of a human corpse. A starved human corpse, and that was what made it so creepy in his book. It had long skeletall arms and legs with sharp claws, that it had grabbed him with and a skull with huge, bulging eyes in a weird red tone, that seemed to glow. The skin almost glistened in the moonlight in some places, while some spots looked like loose, rotting shreds of skin hung loose from its flesh. Its jaw hung grotesquely ajar as it regarded him, then with a few cracks it closed its maw, while it tilted its head.

  
For a second it looked like the thing sent him a lopsided grin.

  
He could not really make out the color, but it was pale, while some spots were dark, especially where its skin hung loose.

  
And it stank. He did not know how he could have not noticed it beforehand, but this huge abomination had snuck up on him unnoticed while smelling like a graveyard, then almost bitten his head off.

  
If his pulse wouldn't be running havoc he would almost be impressed. Almost.

  
If it weren't for the fact that the thing had almost killed him.

  
That thought sent him spiraling back towards reality.

  
That thing had almost killed him.

  
How in the world?

  
"What in Gunmars dirty garbsnok...?" he said to himself

  
The creature still regarded him with an almost... curious look to its bloodshot eyes. Then it sniffed the air and paused for a moment, narrowing its eyes at him.

  
Jim blinked. Did this... Had this thing just tried to sniff him out? Had it assumed he was human and thus tried to attack him? He had a moment more to ask himself how self-aware the creature was.

Then the thing gave him a grin that sent a shiver down his spine and licked its bared teeth. He decided that he really didn't care how sentient that monster was.

  
What he cared about was how he could get away from it as fast as possible...

  
He looked up to see how he could escape through the foliage. Slenderzombie here did not look like he could sprint from branch to branch and he readied himself to jump. The moster would probably try to catch him while doing so, but if neccessary he'd kick it in the face.

  
That's when he noticed a drop in the temperature.

  
He was far less sensitive towards either coldness or heat now, but even he noticed the sudden drop. Especially when his own breath produced a little cloud out of nowhere. He narrowed his eyes at the creature.

  
That creature was not only creepy. It was certainly the reason for the sudden change and that meant it had some magic abilities...

  
Whatever that thing was. It had just gotten even more dangerous. He needed to get out of here.

  
And that'd when he heard it.

  
He should have jumped the moment the coldness had engulfed him.

  
But it was his dad's voice. Clearly talking to him, telling him he didn't have time to work on his bike. Not yet.

  
"We'll start tomorow buddy, promise!"

  
That tomorow never came.

  
His mom. A litany of "Can't make it kiddo."

  
"Double shift at the hospital."

  
"Mrs. Dombzalski will look after you today Jim."

  
"Sorry dear."

  
"Sorry Jim."

  
"Not yet Jim."

  
"Lake? James Lake?"

  
"More like Jim Lake Looser!"

  
"Who're you?"

  
"Sorry, didn't see you."

  
"You're so skinny, you're practically invisible."

  
"Out of my way buttsnack!"

  
"We're loosers, Jim. Accept it!"

  
"She'll never notice you! She's spring queen, Jim!"

  
"John, right?"

  
"A live of almost is a live of never."

  
A cascade of images poured down on him. Of Draal attacking him, hitting him, then watching him fall. Of Bular, calling him Atlas. Strickler, trying to kill him. Bular trying to kill him, killing Bular. Angor, catching him. Angor almost killing Toby. Angor killing Aaarrrgh. Him killing Angor. The darklands. Gunmar. Morgana. Fighting, fighting, killing, fighting, killing...

  
It was too much.

  
His breathing came in ragged pants again. His skin was too tight. And through the tears that blurred his eyes he could see the atrocious grin of the monster that had started to set one limb before the other... Crawling across the forest floor.

  
He was the trollhunter. Merlin's champion. He had slain Gunmar the black. And here he stood in front of a stupid forest creeper and bawled like a fearful little child.

  
Ready to be slaughtered like a little lamb.

  
He could lopp of that things head with a single swipe of daylight. He should lopp of its head! But he couldn't move.

  
'Aren't you hungry?' A voice in his head asked 'Aren't you hungry for more?'

  
He looked into the creatures bloodshot eyes, just a foot away from his face now and knew that it certainly was hungry. But was he?

  
Was he more now?

  
Was he still hungry for more?

  
And then. Purple light exploded around him, forcing him to his knees as the creature recoiled, clawing at its eyes.

  
Jim turned his head, as if in slow motion. He felt small hands on his arm and shoulder, shaking him and when he looked up he saw Claire.

  
She was burning.

  
No. Not burning, but surrounded by the blazing halo of her magical aura. Her eyes were glowing purple as well and for a mad millisecond he was disappointed not to see the warm brown colour of her irises. Wind whipped around him, as the force of her power cracked in the air like electrical tension.

  
What was she doing? Burning her aura like that was still exhausting for her! Merlin had not yet found a vessel, sufficient to channel her powers...

  
Why was he even asking himself that?

  
Why in the world was his girlfriend facing some dumbass monster, while he decided to freak out in the middle of the woods?  
That was the question he should ask himself.

  
But while he was still frozen to the ground like a pillar of salt, Claire attacked the thing with violet flames, bursting from her bare hands. At least she wore her armour. Making her figure glint even more in her own light.

  
With her small form facing it, the monster looked even bigger.

  
And she was obviously hurting it, as its inhumane howls filled the air.

  
Jim looked on as if in a daze till Claire let off for a second too long, trying to regain her own breath. The creature grabbed for her and finally he snapped out of it. With a sudden jump he pushed in front of Claire and lopped off its hand in a clean swipe with daylight. Something he should have done right from the beginning...

  
The thing screeched out even louder and held its hurt arm, then locked its glowing eyes on Jim.

  
With a sudden jolt he felt the darkness swalloing him. Wet, warm, black darkness.

  
He took a step back, but was already being pulled in by it.

  
He took the step into the blackness.

  
He breathed in steam he breathed out smoke.

  
He was in the deep again.

  
All he could see was the pitch black darkness. And from the darkness two round red glowing eyes.

  
Red embers in a grinning skull.

  
No. His own eyes, as he stared into his evil twins face.

  
A trolls face.

  
'Still hungry for more?'

  
And he was.

  
There was a hole in his stomach that was never going to be full...

  
"Don't listen to it, Jim!" Her words ripped through his ears as he was thrown backwards.

  
His head was knocked against the ground and his skin felt strangely charged where he had been hit. Purple flames licking at his arms and legs, as he was looking up dazed by the images that had been planted into his head.

  
He saw Claire, her palm still pointed towards him, while she was firing a constant stream of energy at the thing. It tried to fight against her, reach her, even though he could see the flesh melting from it's bony hands. Turning black at the places that were hit by her magic full force.

  
"Claire!" he exclaimed and the thing looked at at him again. But this time it didn't have the time to work its dark magic on him.

  
Claire cried out in rage, pointing her other outstreched arm towards the monster. He could see her schoulders roll before he was almost blinded by the light and held up a hand to shield his eyes. All he could hear was his girlfriends unholy screech. Her whole body glowed so bright that he could barely see it outlined against the darkness of night, she shot an enormous stream of energy from her hands and set the night ablaze.

  
The creature was on fire. At least it looked like it. Purple flames eating at the pale skin and flesh burning away in Claires magic. He watched with squinted eyes as the huge monster crumpled into a lifeless heap, just a few feet away from his girlfriend.

  
When the remains were reduced to a hill of smoldering black bones, Claire finally let her hands fall down. The light in the clearing dimmed down to their armours glow.

  
Her knees gave out from underneath her and Jim finally found his own feet again. He was at her side a moment later and immediately pulled her away from the gruesome sight.

  
"Claire?! Claire! Look at me!" It seemed like she'd loose consciousness, but then he felt her whack his shoulder. Almost unconcious and she still had a strong left...

  
He chuckled, his voice wobbly with worry "What did you say?"

  
"'Said you're a bum." the girl in his arms whispered, almost indiscernable, her eyes closing, He breathed out in relief. She seemed to be ok.

  
Jim looked over at the smoldering, cracking heap of bones and shuddered.

  
If she hadn't safed him from... whatever that thing was, it would certainly have killed him. Or worse.

  
What worried him was how easy it had gotten into his brain. He didn't know what kind of magic it used or what it even wanted with him, but the freezing void it caused deep in his stomach had felt horrifying, now that he was concious enough to reflect on it...

  
He looked down at Claires face. Her eyes were closed, but she took deep laboured breaths.

  
Merlin had advised her against using that much of her power without using an aid and they had yet to work out what kind of Chrystal, metall or stone worked best for her. He had tried amethyst. The same stone he used for the necklace that contained her armour, but none of the ones they came across on their way was sufficient in the wizards eyes.

  
Using magic without a tool to channel ones energy could be dangerous, it could be wild and erratic, hurting oneself or bystanders. That's why witches and wizards had been using wands, staffs and the like for centuries... Morgana on the other hand liked to use her bare hands for several reasons. For one, she liked to feel the power, liked to cause mayhem and wasn't concerened about collateral anyway, she even appreciated it.

  
Claire was afraid by it though. She had been in her head and she still remembered fragments of Morganas mind in her own.

  
She was even more afraid, that by using her magic like this, Morgana could track her somehow and find a way back, the same way that she herself had...

  
Jim sighed and pushed a strand of hair away from her forehead. He knew that she had still nightmares now and then... they had started after she became sick and continued even after she expelled Morgana from her mind. He wondered whether they would become worse again. She was good at hiding them, she still did, even though he had asked her to be open with him.

  
Admitting weakness was difficult for her. Claire was not only a perfectionist, she was driven by strength and did not allow herself any weaknesses. She was not someone who failed and if she did... well, he'd bet anyone that she would finish the next round a winner.

  
The way she had directed a stream of lethal energy at that monster was an impressive example of that. He gave the charred remains a last look as he stood, with Claire in his arms and started to walk away.

  
Jim realized that she might even be able to kill him like that. Provided that he wouldn't wear his armour... He didn't know what to make of that thought, but it certainly was a haunting reminder of how strong his girlfriend really was.

  
As if on cue, the girl in his arms stirred. She had leaned her forehead at his chest, then turned her head to the side as she woke, before it lolled back against him. They were out of eyesight of the creatures remains, which he was thankful for.

  
"Jim" she sighed, her skin still pressed against the metall of his armour "could you... please let me down."

  
He complied wordlessly and carefully let her slip to the ground, keeping a hand on the small of her back to steady her. She waved him off though and started to walk forward. Only to be stopped by his cough a few steps later.

  
"Um, Claire? It's this way." He nodded to his left, then caught up to her and reached out to take her hand.  
She surprised him by pulling her hand away though.

  
"Sorry." She said just a moment later. "I..."

  
She looked miserable. And he guessed it wasn't just because she had used an enormous amount of her energy mere minutes before.

  
"Claire..." he started, but she interrupted him "Let's just go back to camp, Jim."

  
She walked shakily past him towards the direction he had indicated.

  
Jim didn't move from his spot and crossed his arms. So she wanted to play this off then... Well, that wasn't a surprise. But his earlier thoughts caught up to him: it reminded him of the time she had been possessed by Morgana... she'd obviously try to deal with it all by herself again and just as obviously, she was miserable.

  
So he sighed before he started again "Claire... please. We need to talk about this, before we get back. What do you want to tell Blinky and Merlin?"

  
She stopped but didn't turn around towards him. When she spoke up a moment later, her voice was strained. Like she tried to hold back the tears.

  
"There's no need to tell anything. You're okay, I'm okay. I just killed some wendigo and that's it."

  
He almost wanted to voice his recognition. So it had been a wendigo that attacked him...? He had imagined those things to look different...

  
His girlfriends condition was of higher concern to him though.

  
"You're not okay, Claire. I'm not that blind. Please, just... just tell me what's wrong?"

  
She suddenly turned halfway around and looked at him with tearfilled eyes. "You know what's wrong!" then she looked down shamefully, wrapped her arms around herself and bit down on her lower lip.

  
Yeah, he knew what was wrong... but what could he do about it? He once again felt helpless. Dealing with magic always had that kind of effect on him ever since... he had changed.

  
To be honest. He had developed kind of a trepidation regarding 'the arts' as Merlin liked to call it. He had gotten a lot more careful about it.

  
What had happened to Claire though was the opposite of that. She had faced one of the most powerful witches in the world and discovered her own skills in the process. Her own power made her nervous, but ignoring it would only make her more vulnerable towards her nemesis. At the same time she was a natural, a prodigy and had an instictual access to magic. Using it without knowing how to protect herself though, left her open to Morgana in the first place. It left Claire stuck between a rock and a hard place and caused Jim quite the dilemma... one that left him feel useless.

  
He did the only thing he could think of in that moment and moved towards her. After a moment of hesitation, gauging her reaction, he curled his arms around her.

  
The clanking of metall as they touched reminded him that he was still in his armour and was relieved to feel it vanishing when he willed it to. Now that his own panic had been forcefully replaced by something even worse, he seemed to be in control again. Strange how a threat of death could dissipate the fear in his head...

  
Letting go of his armour seemingly opened Claires floodgates as well and she started to cry in earnest.

  
The metall of her armour dug into his skin.

  
Even after all these months the lost sensitivity on his skin felt weird.

  
He could feel it, alright. It was different, not gone. But it felt like his skin was coated? Like it was caked in a layer of mud? He would never have guessed that he'd miss the discomfort of his girlfriends metall clad shoulder, biting into his chest.

  
So he held her tighter. At least as tight as he knew he could without hurting her. So he could feel her better.

  
"It almost... you almost... died." he heard her sob and felt a pang to his chest, while she pressed her face against him.

  
She was right, wasn't she?

  
Kind of unbelievable, really.

  
His head felt strangely light. Empty.

  
Just half an hour ago he had been freaking out about hurting her, now she had saved him from being killed by some sort of ghoul.

  
He felt sobered up in a very strange way.

  
"I'm okay, Claire" he whispered, "you saved me. You did great."

  
He hoped that his words would somehow help her with her fear.

  
"Don't ever do that to me again" her words were muted, as her face was pressed against the fabric of his shirt. She turned her head to the side and breathed out.

  
"I was so worried when you ran away. I thought you'd hurt yourself or do something stupid and then I found you and..." she sobbed. Again. "Oh Jim, you can be glad, you're not able to sense intentions. That thing... that thing was pure evil. Death incarnate."  
"It wanted to turn you." she added after a pause.

  
"Turn me?" He asked.

  
She straightened a little and made him loose his grip on her. Then she looked up at him. "Turn you into a wendigo."

  
He looked at her puzzled. "And I thought it wanted to eat me." He reached up to touch her cheek, but then lifted his hand higher to rub it over his face. "You think it could have turned me into a wendigo? Even though I'm..."

  
He used the hand he held up to gesture at himself.

  
"Yes it could. At least I'm pretty certain it could" she said, her eyes darkening "And being turned into a wendigo... being killed is part of the process, I fear. Only that the outcome is even worse."

  
"Oh goody." He said flatly, then sighed and bend down to press his forehead against hers.

  
He sometimes forgot that her ability of sensing meant...

  
Not for the first time he secretely though, that it was a horrifying gift to have. And not for the first time he questioned whether it was such a good idea of Merlin to teach her. Sure, she had a natural talent for it and feeling whatever it was, that an enemy felt might be useful but...

  
He sat down on the forest floor and pulled at her hand to sit down as well. She held against him for a moment, before she complied.

  
When she sat, she touched the jewel on her chest and her armour dissapeared in a gist of violet.

  
Jim looked at her in earnesty. "How do you feel?"

  
Hearing his question she immediately avoided his eyes.

  
"Exhausted. I almost lost conciousness fighting that thing." And she really was, wasn't she. Her usually bright, lively eyes were hooded and looked tired.

  
Still.

  
"That's not what I meant." he said.

  
"I know it isn't." She sighed "But you're okay and safe, that's all that matters." Then with a worried glance at him she quickly added "You're not hurt right? That monster didn't scratch your skin or anything, you had your armour."

  
When he shook his head and declined, she gave a nod in response. "Good. Cause I don't know how this whole 'turning into a wendigo'-thing works."  
"I'm fine, but you're avoiding the question." he stated.

  
"I'm not avoiding anything." she countered "Stop worrying over me troll boy! After all I came after you to save you from yourself in the first place. Not some monster."

  
Jim huffed lightly and looked to the ground.

  
"And what's the difference about that?"

  
His fatalism had a stronger tendency to slip through since his transformation. In response Claire bend forwars and slapped his shoulder.

  
"Be serious, will you?! Are you okay?" She ended her question in a softer tone.

  
Jim groaned. "Are we really talking about myself now?"

  
"You were the one who started it, this time. So yeah!"

  
He gave his girlfriend an enervated look, then rubbed his hand over his forehead and through his hair, before he ended up grabbing his horn.

  
"Well. What do you want me to say? Yes. I had another panic attack. Yes. This wendigo thing attacked me, while I was trying to get myself under control again- No running around getting sunburned or breaking trees, this time!" He paused, while he looked down at the ground in front of him. When he looked up at her again he continued "But now? Don't know, I guess that whole 'almost getting killed' by some big ass zombie in the woods kind of thing shook me out of it..."

  
Claire looked at him like she wasn't completely convinced.

  
"You're telling me, that panic out cancelled panic?" She furrowed her brow at him "Well, if everything's okay, could you tell me what set this off in the first place?"

  
Her words hit him like Toby's warhammer.

  
How could he have forgotten!?

  
The feeling of guilt about loosing control and hurting her because of it, sent another wave of anxiety through his body. It wasn't like the attack before, but the feeling of shame still overwhelmed him for a moment.

  
"There it is." Claire murmured and moved nearer towards him. He almost flinched, when she took his hand. Too ashamed to look at her.

  
"Jim. This is about the shove, isn't it? You feel bad about it."

  
He closed his eyes. Then felt her hand caress his cheek.

  
"It's okay. I wasn't hurt. Everyone got a little too emotional-"

  
"and I lost control..." he growled out between gritted teeth. A moment later he grimassed at the way he had sounded.

  
Claire sighed again.

  
"You didn't loose control. It was a chaotic situation and you shoved me by accident. You know that." She took his face into her hands "Look at me."

  
When he did she gave him a smile.

  
"You can do this Jim. We've done this before. Think: Just a moment ago, everything was better. And you didn't hurt me! A slip of control is not the end of the world."

  
Jim sighed "But it could be with this body... I can't forget about that. I understand what you're saying Claire, I do. But I also can't just switch this off and be all better." he gave her a sad look.

  
"I know." she answered "But I'd still like to try and find some way to help you better, so tell me: What helps?"

  
He sighed. "You know what. Talking." he said and leaned into her touch "Knowing you're okay."

  
"I am okay."

  
"Are you?"

  
He looked straight into her eyes and Claire rolled hers in response. She let go of his face and gave him a tired smile. "You're not letting go of this, even now?"

  
"We're both getting good at not letting go, I'd say. You poked my soft spot, now it's your turn."

  
She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "I think you're just trying to distract from yourself, but whatever."

  
Claire took a deep breath.

 

"Do you remember that time I got attacked by that hidebehind?"

  
"Oh you mean the time you almost got killed by some insane instestine-consuming creature? Well, now that you mention it..." Jim deadpanned.

  
Claire gave him an annoyed look "Sarcasm, Jim? You really think that's the right time for it?" He mumbled an apology, while she paused and looked down "What I mean is..." her face lifted up a moment later and he could see the distress in her eyes. "You heard what Blinky said. Hidebehinds are not just some mythical creatures. They are made of darkness! Slither between different dimensions. They're shadows, Jim! Just like...". "Morgana." he finished for her and she nodded. "What does it tell you, that this thing back then was so bend on killing me!?"

  
"I don't know." he answered honestly. Then took her hand and gave her determined look "But I'll protect you no matter what."

  
She took her hand away, putting both her fists against her chest. "You can't protect me from Morgana! She's a witch, Jim. She's immune to daylight!" she begann to rattle faster. "And a shadow. Nothing can simply kill her. Except for Magic and let's be honest. She's always, always a step ahead. You were prepared for Gunmar, but there's no kind of stone you can use in this case." When she stopped she looked up, breathing heavily.

  
"Then I'll rip her throat out."

  
He had said in a completely calm voice. And she looked at him grieffully.

  
"That's not you."

  
"It is. Now."

  
She sighed and let her hands fall into her lap. "Oh Jim." Was all she said.

  
"We were just talking about that hidebehind and you think I wouldn't do it? I'd do anything to protect you."

  
"I know." She simply said.

  
Then after a short pause. "But it kills you."

  
'The me you're thinking of, is dead already.' he thought.

  
But he wouldn't say it to her. She'd feel sorry. Or hurt.  
Afraid of him? For him?

  
Honestly he didn't know what she'd feel like, but it wouldn't be good.

  
He knew she wasn't completely wrong. He clutched to his humanity with a deathgrip and the incident with the hidebehind had been a haunting example of what he could be. But he had a notion that it wouldn't matter. If he were to loose her, he might as well become a monster.

  
"This isn't your fight, Jim."

  
The words shook him from his thoughts and he looked at her taken aback.

  
Her expression was a strange mix of determination and sorrow.

  
"Like I said. Morgana is a witch. I am a witch. I faced her before and if neccessary... I will do so again. And next time, I'll make sure, that she can't come back."

  
"But you're still afraid."

  
He had gotten worse at reading human emotions, even though he still had them. But he could see that she was terrified. He was half-troll not half blind. That witch had done something to her head that he couldn't help her with. Just as that wizard had done something to his body, no...- to his life, that no one could help him with.

  
"And you aren't?"

  
"Yes I am."

  
He owed her that much honesty. She could see through him as if he were made of glass anyway. Then he tapped his foot against a pine cone, before kicking it away.

  
"And I don't know what to do about it. It's not like there are some threapists around - even though Blinky and you are doing pretty good work, I might say." He paused "But let's be honest... things are pretty shitty and I just... I have no idea what to do about it. I'm just a kid, Claire. I just try and I know... I don't think it's going to get easier anytime soon. I've got this amulet till I day and I'll stay stuck like this as far as we know. I don't think that life will ever give me a break, considering my duties as trollhunter and everything. I don't think I'll ever... live without fear again. But what can I do? First rule, remember?"

  
When she didn't say anything he continued "But I don't want that for you. I know it's not my place, but I can't help it, okay? What kind of boyfriend- friend would I be if I wouldn't care how you feel?"

  
"Trollhunters, remember?" she had cocked her head and gave him a mischievous little smile.

  
He had to smile at her little jab. "Yeah" he said. But her eyes looked sad still.

  
And he couldn't do anything about it.

  
That was the lesson wasn't it? They we're caught by their own fate. Nothing would ever be a given, nothing ever safe for him. They suffered and would suffer again. He couldn't stop it and he couldn't protect her. He wouldn't accept it, Oh no. A trollhunter fights till the end. Always. But in the end what did it matter? Fate was not something he could fight.

  
Strickler had had the right intuition when he chose his nickname...

  
A pretty lousy outlook, really.

  
"We're a mess Jim, aren't we?" He heard her whisper.

  
He was silent for a moment, before he took her hand. He stared into empty space when he said "We are."

  
Then he gave out a chuckle and turned towards her, giving her a resigned smile "But at least we're a mess together."

  
He was glad to see it worked, as it earned him a pretty little smile. One that did not quite reach her lips but let her eyes shine. He saw hope in that glimmer, a promise.

  
Those eyes were the one thing, that could always lift him up, no matter how heavy things felt. He could die a happy man if they were the last thing he ever saw.

  
With that thought, he reached out and pulled her into an embrace so he could kiss her.

  
They'd need to go back soon.

  
But for a few moments, he could forget how broken he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if anybody is interested in this, but I thought I'd lay out my though process for this fic:
> 
> There are of course reasons for why I choose exactly these two creatures to attack Claire and Jim. They're supposed to represent their darkest and deepest fears, mirror what drives them, while at the same time they possess properties of the rescuing part in each case.  
> The Hidebehind is a creature that is usually never seen by those it stalks. It is invisible, seems like an illusion but is very much real at the same time. And in this case: It doesn't let go once it targeted it's prey. Claire's deepest fear is of a similar nature. Unseen. Captured in a different world, yes. But what if she isn't? What if Morgana somehow find's a way into her head again? Losing control like that is another deep fear of Claire in my book. For a similar reason I put such an emphasis on Claire's newly learned (or rather trained) ability to sense what's happening around her.
> 
> It's not exactly the same as thought-reading, but for the purpose of the story I let it might appear that way. Again: Morgana had been in her head as well...
> 
> For the same reason I turned the Hidebehind into a "creature of shadows". Not something I took from my sources, but used for artistic license. Although I still think it fit's very well.
> 
> Another aspect I'd like to shine some light on is this: The Claire of my imagination is a girl that is not exactly afraid of power. She likes it. She's a perfectionist that doesn't easily admit weakness. And at the same time her own power frightens her, because of what happened. The hidebehind is, compared to her magical potential and Jim's physical strength, just a pretty petty critter. It's speed and metaphysical nature make it so dangerous to her.
> 
> And to complete this. The hidebehind is mainly described as a creature that stalks and preys on humans. It's a man hunter. Jim is a troll hunter. So it's hunter against hunter. Might seem simple, yes. But as I wrote: the troll!Jim of my fics got a hunting instinct on top of his new look. That's what connects these two. That's what makes him rip the hidebehind to pieces like an animal. 
> 
> Continuing from that: Jim's deepest fear is quite literally to become a monster himself. The wendigo as a creature that turns it's victims into monsters was perfect for the purpose of this story. Because if you think about it: What's the reason for Jim's fear? What's more importand to him than anything else? 
> 
> Protecting his loved ones right? And wendigos do not only turn you into a monster. They turn you into cannibalistic monsters, that kill and eat their own family and friends... I didn't even have to add anythhing more to that to make it work. But to put a cherry on top of this, I gave the wendigo the ability to slip into it's victims mind and manipulate them by their fears and desires.
> 
> Thus the wendigo baits Jim with the desire that we heard him utter at the very beginning, the one that may be the reason for why he was chosen as trollhunter: something more to life... a little more excitement...
> 
> Isn't that what he got? On top of a huge load of trauma, caused by almost dying several times. Trauma that led him to let his guard down so a literal creature of death now uses it to almost kill him again...
> 
> Giving the wendigo the ability to manipulate it's victim mentally is not something I made up for the sake of the story - at least not completely. Wendigos are supposed to possess magical abilities by some sources, fire the only way to kill them. So here you have the connection to Claire. And also it gave me a reason to show how freakishly terrifying that girl is... just think about those two scenes in the whole series, where you see her using magic (full force) and tell me that it's not awesome.
> 
> That's how this fluffy angst-party came to be. Hope you liked the story! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Next up: Jim has an anxiety attack in the middle of the woods and an unpleasent encounter...


End file.
